Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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