Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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