hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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