Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
