Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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