Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize