I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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