i permit you to call me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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