grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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