and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
