You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
