??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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