Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
