I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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