When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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