Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
