Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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