alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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