how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
