Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
