His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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