Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sorry about my life...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
