I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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