I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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