I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
