If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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