Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
