guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
