She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
