my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
