you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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