What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
