I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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