using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
