oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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