I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
