I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
