Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
