My friends, they love my intelligence
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize