How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Text me some of your sweat
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
