My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you would pick up someone in the library
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
