Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
