She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
