I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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