i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
not ubering you a puppy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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