In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
