Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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