woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
