A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
