They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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