Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
