So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize