i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
