God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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