Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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