apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
