I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
