i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
