Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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