I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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