i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
