I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
