I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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