you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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