My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
