He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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