I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
