First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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