I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
