So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
